I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just cut my nipple shaving
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
