Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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