Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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