My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
