At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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