Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
