There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
