Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Randomize
