You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
dude i'm inner monologue high
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
