Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
