Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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