in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
