You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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