I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
