I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
