he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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