I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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