Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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