Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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