Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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