I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
