Got a toothbrush?
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
