I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Drunk is not a location!
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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