I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
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