do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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