Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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