i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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