So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
