U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
