i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
