you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
