Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
