Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
