I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He passed out mid-signature
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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