it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
