AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
