I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
