I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
