I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
