Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
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