I think i peed on brittanys purse
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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