He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
