i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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