In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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