I'm eating all of the evidence.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
