I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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