I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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