i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
