Me too!
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
