This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
