Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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