apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Randomize
