haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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