My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
